Diary of a Madwoman

So, I go to post an entry, and it says, "Last Post- 63 weeks ago."

Yeah, That makes me feel just awesome.

I re-read some of my old stuff- talks about turning 16, about the horse and my horrible awful evil breakup. I'm 17 now. All that feels so far away. But enough of that.

I wonder how many of you actually remember me at all. It's been so long; I'm surprised to see so many of you still here. I guess that just goes to show that the REST of the world doesn't have a tendency to flake. Ehehehe.

I should write again, it's been so long!

Yeah, I'ma do that. Post again when I have more coherent thoughts.

Yeah. A book. I'm writing. Me. And it's about vampires, surprise surprise. : P

But it is not Hellsing. *Gasp* I couldn't publish Hellsing unless I asked Kohta Hirano's permission. Or gave him a lapdance. Or both. Yeah, So it's my own characters, and so far everyone who's read it has said it's good. I'm pleased. I sat down to do this and I was worried that it would turn out No-good, terrible, bad dayish. I'm very excited, but I've run into a problem already. I have the Vampires' native language, the one that all of them learned and speak, no matter the origin, as Romanian. Problem: I need a good Romanian translator. The automatic translation is just not enough. I'm willing to pay, I just need someone to work with me over the course of the project. Technically, I COULD just write the whole damned thing and then get the parts I want translated, but if I want to have someone reflecting on the strangeness of a word or something, I can't do it.

So yeah. Suggestions? Help? Anything?

I also need an editor, or a reader. I've asked someone, but they're in the process of finishing up with their OWN book. @.@ Again: Help? Suggestions? Anything? I'm willing to pay, once again, but don't sap me dry. Ack.

Love from the Author,
Hell's Countess

It's been ages.

Hello again, everyone. I'm sorry, I just vanished off the face of the 'Net.

Life has been... less than pleasant. The following is me lamenting my life being the way it is (Skip to the end if you don't want to hear me bitch.)



My life has taken a turn for the worst, which I am pretty much used to by now. You'd think that bad things just wouldn't surprise me anymore. Honestly. No, I still cry...

I've cried a lot, lately. I hate life, so I'm returning to drowning myself in Hellsing Fiction and Online communities. I just... I need some support. I need to be weak and not have to ever look the person I'm confessing to in the eye afterwards.

I hate myself and everything. I feel emo, so I write emo music and drown myself in that too. I just try to stay under long enough that I only come up for breath on occasion. I write dark fiction because happy seems to far away. I feel like dying most days. I just can't handle it. I'm only alive because I don't have the courage to die. Isn't that funny... I don't even have the strength to give up. So, I keep on going. I'm homeschooled now, so I gave up on all my friends. I cut all my hair off in rage, and I feel ugly. My boyfriend left me, and I'm all alone. He stopped loving me. Just like that.

Makes me wonder, did her ever love me? Does it matter now? No. It doesn't. He's gone and I can't get him back. I need to move on.

But to what?

I hate this life I made for myself. I picked up the pieces and some duct-tape and smashed them all together, so I have this mosaic of values and emotions and situations.

I'm grateful, for what I have. Life just decided to steal the person I loved the most, my sanity, and my values and make me realize even more how much I value them. But I can't get them back. They're gone.

Crap. I'm gonna cry again.



Okay. I'm done. You can read again now.

Justice is Blind will be finished, and so will the sequel! I promise. I just need... willpower. I posted a new chapter, and that can be found at my FanFiction Page, (http:// www . fanfiction . net / ~ mzmoon) Take out the spaces. I'm up to sixteen chapters now. Actually, I'll be sixteen in a couple months. January. yay.

So I haven't posted in a while- been busy with JIB and my Manga, which is tenatively titled "Enforce-Hers." Here is a sample or two...

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Yeah. So that's what I've been up to... Oh, here' the link to the story.

Oh, and the cat? "Meow."

I did it! I finished and posted chapters 6 and 7 today! Yay!

I did it, I finally got it together and finished Chapter 5! YESSSSS!!!!

Thanks again to captainecchi for giving me the jump-start I needed.

My boyfriend is coming over tonight! I'm so happy! Yay! I haven't been able to see him in a while, and I get tonight and tomorrow with him. YESSSSS!!!! We're going to my therapist appointment together, then coming back to my house. Ahhh! I'm so happy! He can finally meet my beloved Miracle. I'm so excited.

And no, all you pervs, we won't be doing anything of that sort. We want to wait. So don't get your hopes up. ; )

In other news, Miracle split open her leg again, so the vet is coming out tonight as well to have a look at her. The vet's a really wonderful guy... I like him, and I'm glad he's the one taking care of my Miracle.

This is what I have so far:

My shoes clicked over the flagstone path, and I heard the humming of various nighttime insects all about me. One buzzed quite close to my right ear, and I swatted at the air in its general direction. It flew off, the noise fading against the background ruckus. Each step I took was carefully measured, and the only reason I hadn’t stubbed my foot yet was because of the thick toe of my leather shoes. They’ll be all scuffed up, after this. My laundry staff will be delighted. In fact, it’s a miracle I got out of the mansion intact.

A stone planter met my foot with a good solid thud. I paused, and then reached out to the flowerbed. My hands trailed through soft blossoms, fragrant and velvety. There was a sudden sharp pain in my left ring finger, and I hissed. Roses. Of course.

“Master.”

“Alucard, can’t I have a moment’s peace?” I sighed, and shook my head. No, never, so why do I even ask?

“You’re bleeding.” His voice was carefully controlled, and I imagined his face was the same. It was always like this, when I was injured. It made me wonder: how did he manage to get me to a hospital when I was bleeding from the eyes? That must have taken an interesting amount of effort.

“Really? Is that so, my servant?” I pulled my hand from the roses, and let it hang by my side. I could almost feel his gaze boring holes in my palm.

“Yes, Master. It is. Shall I clean it for you?” I heard the thud of a thick leather sole on stone as he took a step closer.

I smiled, cruelly. “No, I think it will be just fine.” He made no reply. I was faced with another dilemma. I did not want him to see me struggling to walk without hurting myself. There’s a bench nearby, or I could sit on the planter. I went to lift my foot and realized something. He could have been watching this whole time. If I sit down, he’ll know I’m covering for my own shame. Walking it is. I continued my slow shuffle down the garden path, and I heard the impacts of his boots as he kept pace.

-

From here on out, I am stuck. I'm not even sure I want to do the garden scene since is overdone, but I'm running out of filler ideas. My next planned scene is once again in Integra's office, which is getting old.

I kind of want to better weave Seras into this drama, because I'm considering making this AxI and IxS. (I'd say that would be a first, but Dracula's Daughter is like that.) I also want to bring Walter into the story, and his feelings about Integra's blindness.

The two scenes I have planned right now are Alucard asks Integra to come train with him, and she basically says, "Are you crazy?" Then there's another where she accepts and they do a little sword-fighting, which will somehow weave into the plotline later. (Like she has to use her sword for some reason.) Both of these need to happen BEFORE the assesment by the KOTRT.

... I have some more pieces of the plot figured out, but I'd feel silly typing them if you don't want them, so let me know. Oh, by the way, here's the link to my Fan Fiction Profile, which has Justice is Blind on it.

Thanks so much, I can't wait for your reply,
Hell's Countess

AHHHHH!!! *Repeatedly beats head against keyboard*

My story has all but ground to a halt. I simply cannot think... It's driving me up the wall. Pictures are coming along great, but I really need to get on with the writing. I'm having a lot of trouble with getting to the place where I want to take the story to... It's just crazy. What I need is for someone to read my current chapter-in-progress, and give me feedback. That would rock.

Is that the function of a "beta"? Yes, I have a confession to make: I do not exactly know what a beta is. Yes, you all now know my shame... So what is a beta? and will someone help me?

Thanks a bunch,
Hell's Countess

I did some more for that friend's game:

'







He has to start putting it together now... *sigh* Knowing him, that could take a while. I still have to do the scrolling background for the actual game... I ought to get to that. I think they're coming out really good. That's really satisfying, since I want to do this for the rest of my life... (Not Hellsing fanart, just manga art in general.)

So, today I did some work for one of my best friends. He's going to make a 2D Hellsing shooter, and he needs pixellated pictures. So, this is what I came up with:



and this:



I'm proud of myself. This is the first time I've done pixel art, and I think it came out pretty good. My usual stuff is more like my avatar (Which I did, btw); done in black ink on white paper and edited in Photoshop.

So pixels was quite a stretch. It was fun and interesting though, and I have a lot more to do. All I have done are the two above and a "BLAM" symbol. Lots to go...

On the horse poop angle... I need to go shovel some.

Wielding a pixellated poop shovel,
Hell's Countess

I can't believe it. The lady who asked us to watch Miracle (The horse) asked us if we wanted to keep her. I am in heaven. I really have bonded with Miracle, and I'm so glad we get to keep her, maybe! My parents promised me that we'll do the best we can to keep her here with us... I still can't believe it! OMG! I had a nightmare last night that we would have to give her back.

It's not like we don't have the room either. We own 3 fenced acres, and she's just one little foal. It's perfect! AHHH! I'm so excited I'm hardly coherent! I always wanted a horse, and this one is so sweet and kind and is really fond of me.

In other news, my boyfriend is only semi-grounded now, so I get to see him. (Yay!) It's been a full semester and two weeks of summer. I couldn't even call him for 8 weeks. (Give or take) My story, (Justice is Blind) is STILL going nowhere fast. At lightspeed, in fact. : )

Until I haave something interesting to report,
Hell's Countess

About five minutes ago, my hands were covered in horse blood. No, seriously. The horse my family is watching got torn up by our pit-bull, and I was helping the vet clean the foal up. She's suuch a sweet girl (The horse, not the vet). The vet was a really cool guy. He and my father swapped trade stories (My dad is a paramedic), and generally we all had a good time. All but poor Miracle, that is. (She was named so for a reason, not in any way affiliated with the movie)

Miracle was born in a sorry state. Her mother rejected her, and nearly trampled the poor newborn to death. Then her father tried to mount her, and tore up her legs. Then this attack by our dog... That poor girl has had a rough life, but she's still kicking. So docile and sweet, too.

I'm still strugging with writer's block, particularly for Justice is Blind, my most recent fic. It's four chapters at the moment, and the fifth is coming along very slowly. *Tears out hair* I just want to get the next chapter up, because people are bugging me to. AHHHHH!!!!

I still don't know why I even bother writing entries... as far as I know, no one reads them... I have next to none in the way of livejournal friends. I need to get out there and make some. Yeah! Go get 'em!

Still yours, (even covered with horse blood)
Hell's Countess

I decided to post links... for lj cut practice...

This is my Ff.net account...

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My email is...

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Feel free to drop me a line! I'm always willing to hear from anybody, really. Especially if it's in regards to anything Hellsing. Still, if not, then don't be intimidated! Contact me! *Laughs at self* I sound desperate...

Happy Father's Day,
Hell's Countess

I feel silly. I mean, no one's going to read this, right? So why am I posting? WHY? WHY?!

I honestly don't know.

In any case, I joined Livejournal purely to be able to post in a certain community. I'm probably going to get caught up in the blogging craze, however. MY GOD! I'M ALREADY IN ITS GRASP! THE INTERNET HAS ME!!! HELP!!! So, anyway, I'm always open to anybody who wants to message me, because it's summer and I am royally bored. Hence the Livejournal.


Until next time,
Hell's Countess